February 16th, '12

Today I was wondering that I'd stay in touch with her, but things turned out differently. I was just missing her cheerful and chirping voice, but I wasn't able to hear  it… It seemed to be lost as if it has faded away with her depleting health. But one can not tell from her face what she hid inside her. No one but me, knew about it. But still, when I look at her photograph, I just wonder why did god made her suffer from this pain… Why she? My question is still unanswered, but I think I could reach to a conclusion. It seems that someone, up there is playing oddball with me. He wants me to feel the pain which I've given to others, directly or indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally… Well whatever it may be, now I am recalling all those moments when I've not been the person who I should have always been or was supposed to…

I had to tell Roy a partial truth, as I can't tell him every damn detail about it…

Like always, things are not in my favor very much… I now think that she's also avoiding me at certain levels, but again, I just can't let it go just like that…

I heard her voice for the first time in the past two days, although it was a relief, but it sent my body into a shiver… her happy and cheerful voice was dull and lifeless. It seemed as if someone was sucking out the life out of her. But as I had promised her, and she had promised me, we will be going out on the 22nd of this month. I was thinking of asking her out but couldn't do it, then don't know how she herself asked me out on the 14th. I refused her and told her that it was not safe going out as there is a real big danger of being caught by some political ass holes who think that we don't have that right.

Well, that’s another thing. Coming back to the point, the date, or as others would say. I asked her to accompany me to the ice cream parlor somewhere  nearby so that we could have some healthy fun…

I would just not call it a date, though it seems to be one, as she's the one who still has to answer to me… I let out my feelings in front of her, she didn't reacted strangely or angrily, as she might have been expecting it…

But my friends are cheering me up and asking me to be strong, not all of them but only Roy, and face it with courage. He's one of the best buddies I've ever found in my entire life… He's more like a brother that just a friend, not even like one, he is a brother to me…

Well, what I am thinking right now is that there are still more that 3 days or 72 hours, or 4320 minutes or some another hundred thousand seconds…

I wish she'd be with me always, whenever I need her and I'd be with her, whenever she needs me… that's all I wish for right now!